Appreciating Mom When You Become One

I can remember being a little girl and disliking my mom. She’d hold my hand as a kid to keep me close. One day we were walking holding hands and I saw someone I knew. I immediately pulled my hand away when my mother asked for it back I replied, “No I don’t want anyone to know you’re my mom.” Ouch! She was a stay at home mom yet I favored my father. During my teenage years I was a terror. I never took her seriously, and always had something smart to say.

As a mother now of a little girl and another girl on the way, I can’t imagine going through what my mother went through with me. As a mother you feel so much love for your child. You work so hard to make sure that your child is well cared for, while sacrificing your own needs. You nurture your child all day to watch dad come home from work and reap the rewards. You go on the next day and continue your daily routine. Suddenly, this child thanks you by being disrespectful and you still love them! This is a mothers’ love. 

I know I am going to have hell to pay for now that it’s my turn. Besides feeling guilt I am grateful she was there. If I could go back I would take back all of the hurtful things I said to her. But, I am sure she has forgiven me in some form. Our relationship isn’t great today, this being one of many reasons, but I still love her. I wish I didn’t take her for granted when she was around. Maybe she would’ve stuck around longer. So, if you are one of those lucky ones who has a great relationship or have and opportunity to amend your relationship with your mom take advantage of it. You only get one mom.

How To Love The Most Important Person In Your Life……

I’m sure you’re thinking of a loved one after reading the title, but the truth is the most important person in your life is you. To love yourself means to accept yourself for who you are, respecting yourself. If you do not love yourself you are unable to truly love another. I am no Guru, and you may be wondering where is this coming from. Well this topic tracks back to a friend giving me inspirational advice considering my current situation. She said, “If you believe it in your mind then it is true.” I could elaborate on my situation but I believe that this would be true in any case.

Most of our stressors stem from negative thoughts. For example, if you believe that you don’t deserve better, things will remain the same. Not only does this state of thinking effect you physically and mentally, it also affects everyone around you because you project it. Sounds depressing. What should we do to get out of this grunt? Initially a friend may state, “Believe that you can and you will,” but the answer is usually more complex than that. We should question our thoughts, why do we feel or think this way? None of us are perfect and we’ve all questioned ourselves at some point or another. How long you remain in this state is up to you.

If you find yourself to be in this state of thinking longer than you’d like I have a suggestion that may work for you. I found a professional that can help, Byron Katie she teaches a method of self inquiry through books, audio tapes, and a website named thework.com. This website does not provide advice, or attempt to substitute positive for negative. All you need is a willingness to answer the questions that bring to light the root of your thought process. Good luck, I hope it helps. 

Don’t Forget The Man in Your Life.

If you are a stay at home mom or one that is juggling work and the home, either one can be overwhelmingly exhausting. Something gotta give. At times it’s the man in our lives. Is this fair?

He may not complain at first, which makes it easier to place him at the bottom of your priority list. Eventually he will speak out. He may verbally communicate what he’s feeling directly or indirectly, so pay close attention. Or he may keep it to himself. His behavior will change. If ignored this may lead to feelings of rejection and insecurity. As a result your relationship begins to suffer.

Now you may be thinking great another thing to worry about or what the hell is she talking about. I want you to put yourself in his shoes for a moment. Imagine having him to yourself, then a baby is introduced into your lives and he has given his undivided attention to the baby. It’s the end of the day and he doesn’t have time to listen to you, tell you’re beautiful, forgets to kiss you goodnight, and quickly falls asleep hoping you wont reach over. At first you understand, after some time you begin to miss him although he’s right next to you. Feelings of guilt may overwhelm you, how dare you say anything and sound so selfish. Not such a great feeling, right?

So, now what should you do? I recently heard Deepak Chopra say, “The key to a successful relationship is affection, attention, and appreciation.”  Make the effort. You can start by complementing his appearance once a day, give him a little pinch or pat, listen to him once in a while (even if it’s nonsense), and maybe you can muster up the energy to have sex. Yes, give it up you may not be into it at first but that can change, or sometimes you may be doing it just for him. You may be tired but we all know you don’t have to have amazing sex every time. We’ve all heard women are emotional and men are sexual. Talking and cuddling may cut it for us, but sex validates them. Therefore ladies, “Make the effort not to forget the man in your life!”

Postpartum Depression: Will we all suffered from it?

Postpartum depression involves moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth. It may occur soon after delivery or up to a year later. Most of the time, it occurs within the first 4 weeks after delivery. Treatment depends on the severity of symptoms present it can range from therapy to anti-depressants.

Prior to having a child I thought this was nonsense. As a mother I now realize it’s a reality of life. Life changes dramatically after having a child. As a mother you must morn your old self and recreate a new you. Easier said than done, as natural multi-taskers we will try to juggle the demands of motherhood while reaching for our old lives. Eventually, you begin to realize that this is virtually impossible and you become overwhelmed with emotions. The repeated words “motherhood is a beautiful thing,” cross your mind and you think, “what is everyone talking about.”

It’s okay to wish you could somehow be your old self. Being stressed, crying, thinking why didn’t I wait longer are all thoughts that many women have shared. Society gave what we go through a diagnosis and created treatments for financial gain. Unfortunately, this diagnosis comes with a stigma and embarrassment making it difficult for women with a severe case reluctant to seek help.

We are all the same. Rich or poor, whether you have the help of a nanny or family member, or you are doing it all alone it’s a huge change in life. This is just one of the many things we as women have to learn to adjust to. Give yourself sometime, don’t be too hard on yourself and enjoy every moment, “motherhood is a beautiful thing.”  ; )